Geography Lesson

One day two ladies at my office told me they were always confused by
Puerto Rico and Costa Rica. This  really concerned me since they were
the people that sent out my documents to customers. I decided to make
a map to help with their lack of knowledge of Latin America.

Below is what I gave them...

Tom Hanks Performs Slam Poem About "Full House" (Jimmy Fallon)

Frank's Bad Day Part XVII

Mr. M. pulled a small remote control from his jacket and pressed a button that dimmed the lights and revealed a screen in the wall facing the foot of the bed.

M spoke, “Please stop me if something is not accurate…that’s rarely the case with these files, but I still hate to assume.”

Frank nodded, “Go ahead.”

The screen lit up and on it appeared list of facts about Frank-they began to scroll slowly up.

Name: Frank Luis Hernandez Sanchez

Age: 32

DOB: February 23, 1980, 18:00 hrs

DOD: April 3, 2012, 14:30 hrs

City of Birth: Chicago, IL

Nationality: Puerto-Rican/Latino

Primary City of Residence: Chicago, IL

Education: B.A. English Lit., University of Illinois, Rockford, IL

High School Diploma, St. Francis High School, Chicago, IL

Completed Elementary and Middle School, Our Lady of Mercy School, Chicago,IL

Marital Status: Single

No history of an intimate relationships lasting more than 4 months. Frank continues to date different women several times a week, but rarely has more than 3 dates with the same woman.

Family:

Mother and father divorced when Frank was 6 years old. Father was in and out of Frank's life on an irregular basis. Frank has no brothers or sisters. Frank has a grandmother, two aunts, uncles and 6 cousins in Puerto Rico, and an uncle and aunt in the UK. Frank's mother was very lonely living in the USA, but could not afford to move back to Puerto Rico. She wanted Frank to finish school in the U.S. before she would return to the island to be with her family. During Frank's time in school, his mother dated many men, but never remarried. Once Frank would begin to like one of his many "uncles", they would disappear, and be replaced by another the next month. After Frank's father left, his mother continued to try to find love and a new father for Frank, but in the end she would always find herself unable to commit, because she was afraid that another man may hurt her again. Frank took a job at a company in Chicago after finishing college. He did not really intend to move to Puerto Rico, but told his mom he would do it once he made some money so they could get a house. Frank's mother moved back to Puerto Rico without him. Six months later, she remarried a childhood sweetheart, and while Frank did not have anything against his new stepfather, he felt less and less comfortable moving there. This remains a sore point between Frank and his mother; she does not feel like forcing the issue any further.

Work History:

During high school and college Frank had different jobs to make extra money. Frank worked at several fast food restaurants and at a movie theater  He received raises and positive evaluations. Frank excelled at dealing with customers and supervisors, but his coworkers found him somewhat cold and distant.

During Frank's junior year of college he came to work the night shift at Apex Telecommunications as an outbound bilingual telephone sales agent. Frank’s sales levels were superior to others in his department. He soon was able to move up to the

Investment Counselor Division of Apex. In this position Frank was responsible for inbound and outbound sales calls to potential and current investors. Frank stayed in the top 5% of performers. Frank developed a reputation for being able to handle problem customers better than anyone in the department. He received commendations and bonuses on a regular basis. His relationships with co-workers remained cold and impersonal. Frank did not develop any lasting personal relationships with any of the people he worked with. This is where Frank worked until his demise this year.

The words scrolled at just right speed on the screen and seemed to stop when Frank had problems reading. The screen faded to black.  M turned to Frank and said in an unemotional tone, “Do you feel this report accurately represents the facts about your life?”

Frank looked down for about a minute. It felt so odd to see such a succinct summary of all he had done and lived. He would have liked to explain things, add some details, but every thought he put together sounded like a lame excuse. Just from a quick gut check Frank knew it was all true.

“It’s all correct Mr. M…you can proceed.”

“Fine then. Uhh…Well. Not to be too much of touchy feely sort, but I think I felt very similar when I saw my file-almost violated. I actually argued! In those days, it was angels that interviewed you. Imagine that! Arguing with some 12 foot tall gleaming white muscular creature with a Claymore sword as big as you. I guess I thought I was dead already, what more could they do? Anyway, my point is this, you just read possibly the most cold and heartless explanation of your life and accepted it. Bravo Sir…Bravo. There are souls who have been in purgatory for 200 years who are still unable to face who they really were. Not to put too fine of a point on it, but you are a cut above many people in this realm. “

“Thanks…I still feel like crap though.”

“Nothing for it my lad. We’ll press on. Next we have a summary of your life and our plan for you at SMI and the plan of the heavenly host to redeem you from this place, if you succeed. Then we will see the decision of the Heavenly Host to our plan for your redemption.“

The screen came back to life and began to scroll slowly again.

Summary: While Mr. Hernandez values human relationships and has demonstrated an superb ability to motivate, encourage and influence people in a business setting, he is limited in empathy with other`s needs and a lack of demonstrated compassion. This is directly a result of the modeling by his mother. Simply put, he has never been able to achieve a level of intimacy where he can share his heart freely with other people, or ultimately with God.

Course of Action:

SMI proposes a twofold approach in dealing with both Mr. Hernandez’s unique challenges and his special skill sets available for our use. The first phase is a preparation for his ultimate assignment, as well as a valid and necessary task to the Kingdom of Heaven. He will spend time learning to understand people on earth and providing them with empathy and compassion, but not any answers or advice; he will become that resource that is so rare on earth-a listening ear. The second phase of his work here, and hopefully the task leading to his redemption, or graduation to the heavenly realm, is that he will succeed as a fully qualified agent of grace and divine compassion in different arenas of earthly life through use of the SAIP (Spiritual Atmospheric Insertion Program) for as much time as is deemed necessary by the heavenly hosts.

Conclusion and Certification:

I have reviewed this document under the wisdom and guidance

Of the Most High. This course of action is authorized by the Heavenly Host:

Purgatory Division Supervisor - Angel Antonius the Fourth.

Glory to His Holy Name.

Amen.

The screen went black and M turned to Frank…

Party-Saurus Rex

I just can't get enough of this video...


Partysaurus Rex on Disney Video

"Time to Go" by OK, Yeah, Wow Featuring Wax Tailor and Aloe Blacc

Tech Talk - new Iphone 5

BRETON'S GUIDE TO LIFE (in 10 steps) on Vimeo

BRETON'S GUIDE TO LIFE (in 10 steps) from Ariel Belziti on Vimeo.

First World Problems

Boba Fett's Dilemma

Boba had a soft side he rarely showed to the rest of the galaxy. However, when the

glamour shot with his beloved Mr. Snuggles for the Rabbit Fancier Club convention got out, things changed drastically. 

Before, he had commanded fear at every cantina, spaceport and rogue's den throughout the empire. He was a force to be reckoned with. Now...he swore he could hear people snickering, and even smiling at him! Imagine, smiling at Boba Fett, like he was some second rate Chakarr! Instead of letting his cape flow regally, he found himself pulling it around his shoulders to hide himself as he walked quickly through the spaceports. Jabba the Hut had not returned any of his calls for the last 2 days. 

Maybe it was time to finally open that pet store on the third planet in the Dagobah system that he always dreamed of when he found himself alone and magnetically attached to an empire cruiser. 

Check out the rest of the paintings like this:

Laughing Squid-paintings of Star Wars Characters holding bunnies.

Boom, Boom...Meow?

The cats seemed confused by my choice of Black Eyed Peas for my morning music.

Does this mean its time to wash the cat?

A Softer World

A Softer World

A Softer World is a very interesting blog/webcomic.

It feels like Haikus on LSD.

Sometimes its hilarious,  thoughtful and sweet and then sometimes
incredibly inappropriate or vulgar. Not for kids that's for sure.

Here's one I stumbled on today that made me happy.

Right Now...

Right now, a man is kneeling on the ground, filling his tire with Fix-a-Flat he bought from Wal-mart.

His hands are dirty and sticky from the tire and the white foam spewing from a leak in the hose on the can. His wife sits in the front seat trying to comfort a crying baby with an ear infection.

He thought he could make it til payday with the slow leak, but now it won’t wait and the baby needs to go to the emergency room because the fever has been too high for too long.

Right now, a tired man in a charcoal suit returns the keys to his rental car to an employee at the Avis counter at the Atlanta airport. He makes the long walk to the Delta Terminal for his flight home. As he walks, he calls his wife’s cell phone…it goes to voicemail repeatedly. He finally puts the phone away and wonders where she is.

Right now, three teen-age girls are stuffed into a ten year old compact car. They are heading to a movie at the dollar theatre. They scream lines from their favorite song as they miss their exit on the freeway. They scold the driver and then laugh as they turn around at the next exit.

Right now, a man struggles with a bra clasp in the dark while a woman giggles.

Right now, a woman opens the door to her apartment, seeing it’s her ex she turns away from the door and yells, “Brandon, your dad is here!! Hurry up!”. She walks away, leaving him standing in the doorway without inviting him in. He glances to the side like he’s inspecting the carpentry work of the door frame.

Right now, an older couple dressed in their Sunday best sits in a diner enjoying a cup of coffee and sharing a piece of peanut butter pie. She wipes the corner of his mouth with a napkin and smiles.

Right now a college freshman studies evolutionary biology. Why he ever believed in God is becoming a mystery to him. He’s content that his world is finally making sense.

Right now a young man is studying the Bible in his room. He feels inspired, charged up and just plain happy. He’s at peace and has finally got a message to share with the world. He’s content that his world is finally making sense.

Right now a Buddhist meditates in a temple, smelling the incense, listening to the deep chimes and chanted prayers. He feels that greater enlightenment is very near. He’s content that his world is finally making sense.

Right now a withered old man sits on a stool in a cool, dark bar in the middle of a bright day. He thinks of all he has seen and heard in this world. He empties his glass and wipes his mouth on his cuff. He turns to an older woman with bright pink lipstick who is smoking a cigarette on the stool next to him. “Remember when we were young and thought everything in this world made sense?” They laugh long and he orders another round for the both of them.

Right now, a man has been let go after twenty years at the factory.

Right now, a young woman has been promoted to head of marketing.

Right now, a child has been told he has to go to summer school or repeat the fourth grade.

Right now, a single mother finds out she won a full scholarship to a community college.

Right now, the administrative assistant is told that wages are frozen at this time.

Right now people are looking for hope to carry on.

Right now people are looking for something to put their faith in.

Right now people are looking for someone to love them no matter what.

Right now, these three remain—but  the greatest of these is love.

Right now, choose love. 

Ben Folds Five and Fraggle Rock "DO IT ANYWAY" [Official Video]

Any day starting with waffles has increased potential to be a good day. Just sayin...

Tip o' the hat to Jack Kerouac's American Haikus

Laying on my side, I stroke the ear of my purring cat. Almost a haiku.

Happy Birthday William Carlos Williams

Today is the birthday of poet William Carlos Williams (1883-1963). He was a pediatrician at a hospital in New Jersey and a poet. I first read about him in Garrison Keillor's awesome book, Good Poems, and also encountered him in a lovely little Dover Book called 101 Great American Poems that was compiled by the American Poetry and Literacy Project. His style is very unique and reminds me of the "American Haikus" of Jack Kerouac. Here are 2 of his poems that I really like:

The Red Wheelbarrow

So much depends

upon

a red wheel

barrow

glazed with rain

water

beside the white

chickens.

This is Just to Say

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox


and which
you were probably
saving 
for breakfast


Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold


In Garrison Keillor's book Good Poems there is also a response to this previous poem
from a writer named Erica-Lynn Gambino.


This is Just to Say

(for William Carlos Williams)


I have just
asked you to
get out of my 
apartment


even though
you never
thought
I would


Forgive me
you were
driving
me insane
      

The Sign of a Good Writer

The sign of a good writer is not always that he can tell you something you did not Know. I think that a good writer is one That can tell you something you always knew but were never able to put into words.

Why I Was Late Today

Dear Human Resources,

I wish to claim my lateness this morning to be covered under FMLA, due

to time spent caring for a sick member of my family.

As you can see from the attached photo, my cat Lucy, was afflicted by

a horrific case of extreme cuteness. The only remedy for this malady

is extended skritching of the ears and making various “Awww” noises

until it passes or until the cat becomes bored and goes and finds a

jingleball to bat around the floor.

Luckily this attack passed fairly quickly today and I was able to get to work

with a minimum of work loss, it was also raining, and there was a rabid

warthog at the corner of Simpson and Middlebury that was slowing the

movement of traffic.

I will stay late to make up for this.

Regards,

John Homan

To Risk

“To Risk”

by William Arthur Ward

To laugh is to risk appearing a fool,
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.

To reach out to another is to risk involvement,
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.

To place your ideas and dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss.

To love is to risk not being loved in return,
To live is to risk dying,
To hope is to risk despair,
To try is to risk failure.

But risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.

The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing.

He may avoid suffering and sorrow,
But he cannot learn, feel, change, grow or live.

Chained by his servitude he is a slave who has forfeited all freedom.

Only a person who risks is free.

The pessimist complains about the wind;

The optimist expects it to change;

And the realist adjusts the sails.

"Winter Winds Cold and Blea" by John Clare

Winter winds cold and blea
Chilly blows o'er the lea:
Wander not out to me,
    Jenny so fair,
Wait in thy cottage free.
    I will be there.

Wait in they cushioned chair
Wi' thy white bosom bare.
Kisses are sweetest there:
    Leave it for me.
Free from the chilly air
    I will meet thee.

How sweet can courting prove,
How can I kiss my love
Muffled in hat and glove
    From the chill air?
Quaking beneath the grove,
    What love is there!

Lay by thy woolen vest,
Drape no cloak o'er thy breast:
Where my hand oft hath pressed,
    Pin nothing there:
Where my head droops to rest,
    Leave its bed bare.


(Kind of scandalous for an 18th century English poet, but no more so than
Song of Solomon and some parts of Proverbs. ) 

"Leisure" by W.H. Davies

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare?

No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smiles her eyes began.

A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

Frank's Bad Day Part XVI

"Yoo hoo...Sleeping Beauty? I say, perhaps you could endeavor to join us for a moment?"

The voice entered the oblivion of sleep Frank had been enjoying for an unkown period of time. It was a British voice, thick with sarcasm and a lower middle class accent. Frank had spent a summer with his aunt Daisy in the south of Great Britain. She had always described herself as "dead common", but she loved to make a game  of "playing posh" when they would go shopping or out for tea. She would act like an Earl's wife from Cornwall and introduce Frank as her nephew from Barcelona and he would speak what little Spanish he learned from his Mom and Grandma, and they would have a great time. They would laugh when they fooled people and laugh even harder when they were found out, generally by a sharp-eared Cockney that noticed that Aunt Daisy's "aitches" were not up to standard. After a summer with Aunt Daisy Frank could pick out the most common accents in the UK like an intern to Professor Henry Higgins.

"Do wake up now, please. We need to get started."

Frank had hoped the voice would go away, but after several minutes it returned. Most put-on accents start to show little cracks in their uniformity and this voice was no exception.

"Oy! Ah'm talkin' to you, mate! Wakie, wakie!"

The voice punctuated the last phrase by poking Frank's nose, not in a hard or painful way, but incredibly annoying nonetheless.

"I'll wake up if you stop poking me!", Frank groaned.

 "There's a good man! Can I get you a cuppa'?"

Frank raised himself to his elbows and paused while the pain subsided.

"A cuppa?...Oh, yes, tea...Sounds great, two sugars, no milk please" , Frank propped himself up in bed and took a cup and saucer from the grey haired man sitting next to his bed. The man  had long unruly white hair, pulled back in a pigtail, but little wisps of hair had broken free and hung limply on the side of his head. His skin was very pale, as white as Frank had ever seen on a living person. He wore a three piece charcoal pinstripe suit. It was showing its age, but was well taken care of. Attached to his vest was a long, jangly chain, presumably for a watch, but the links were as thick as a chain you would use to secure an enthusiastic junkyard dog to  steel stake buried in cement. The man had shiny black shoes with large brass buckles and a hint of white silk stockings.

"Right-o, sorry its not proper tea, just packets down here...probably won't matter that much to you, being an American."

"I've had proper tea before, but I prefer coffee. Mmmm, that's pretty good for packets."

"Thanks. Horrible stuff coffee, in my day it was only drank by nervous Frenchman and rich layabouts trying to seem more Continental than British."

"I don't know about that, but coffee gets ya goin' faster than tea... Maybe that's not always a good thing though. I spent my life rushing around. I don't have much to show for it. Maybe I should have had more tea and more chats, more friends and less earthly success."

"Yes, rather...Good thing that, giving thought to your ways. Shame we didn't do more of that while we were on earth, what, what? Might not have ended up here, eh? You got it right enough to end up here instead of the fiery furnace. Lack of real tea is the least of those poor bugger's problems...ah well, good chat, lets get to business then. I am Mr. M, or simply M for the overly casual Americans. I've given up some measure of decorum since so much of my work force is polluted", he grinned a slightly wicked smile and winked. Frank immediately liked his new boss.

"I'm Frank Hernandez, Mr. M. I'm glad to meet you." The two men shook hands firmly.

"I'm afraid I have no resume or application to hand you. You'll have to ask me any questions you may have about me."

"Mr. Hernandez, SMI is actually part of Purgatory, so we have access to their sources of heavenly information. I have already spent some time looking at your files. We have looked at your history,  accomplishments, failures and have a fairly good idea of who you are and where you can fit into our organization."

"First off, if you know everything about me, please call me Frank. Of course, I will still call you Mr. M. Secondly, are you going to give me a summary of what you have discovered about me so I can understand why I'm here, and what I need to do to leave here?"

"Of course Frank, we'll start with that first off."

"You Can't Always Get What You Want."

Peggy was not the prettiest girl in eight grade.  Come to think of it, she didn't have a nice personality to fall back on either. No, she was probably the least liked girl in my class. She could be mean, she always gossiped and told outrageous stories that few people believed. To this day I can't believe why I thought it was a good idea to ask her to be my girlfriend that Friday afternoon, but I'll never forget her answer as long as I live. 

In the small church school we attended, Peggy was at the bottom of the Jr. High food chain. I was somewhere near the top. I was the class clown, had lots of friends and was pretty sure I was on my way to being a lover-boy. Not that I had any real experience to speak of, but I could make the girls laugh and my Mom said I was charming, and she seemed to be a reliable source on that sort of thing so I knew love was just around the corner. 

One day at lunchtime I sat with some of my friends who happened to be girls, it was all disgustingly platonic. Anyway, as a I munched my "meat" pizza, one of the girls named Tania leaned in and said, "Is it true about you and Peggy?"

"I have no idea what you are talking about." 

"She told me that you guys had gone on a date and that you liked her."

"Nope, I don't know anything about that."

"I thought so. I told her I didn't believe her." Tania looked pleased, like she would enjoying picking on Peggy about this. The thing is, picking on Peggy was too easy. She had none of the poise and social prowess to 

defend herself. I had picked on her and used her as the butt of jokes like everyone else did. We all seemed to have the social niceties of a pack of hyenas in matching plaid uniforms. 

I continued thinking about Peggy that night. If I was ever going to start my career as a lover boy, I had to start somewhere. Why not with her? She did qualify as a girl. She smelled better than a boy and had some of those curvy parts I was interested in.Why not throw her a bone since its obvious she must like me if she's spreading rumours. Yes, I would do it. I would ask her to go with me. I could start on my career as a great lover with little trouble and bring some joy to the underprivileged. 

The very next day was Friday. I found her when no one else was around and asked her the big question. I expected her to squeal with delight and say "YES, YES, YES!". Instead she looked at me blankly and said she would have to "pray about it". In all of the possibilities I had expected this was not even on the list. Yes, no, maybe, not now, all perfectly normal. But this was just nuts. I was deflated like a two week old helium baloon. 

"When will you know what your decision is?", I asked sheepishly.

"I'll tell you Monday." she said in a business-like fashion and walked away. 

Monday took forever to arrive. Finally, I tracked her down and asked her what her decision was. 

"God said we aren't supposed to go together."

I stammered out a weak "Ok..." and turned an walked away. It may have been the worst day in my 8th grade career. Word spread all over the small school about it. Since I didn't want to talk about it, that made it true and not just another one of her stories. 

It also opened all kind of theological questions, "So God won't let me have even the least pretty girl in class as a girlfriend? Am I supposed to be a monk or something? They never said anything about this in Sunday school, what sort of crazy world is this?"

Years later, I finally realized several things. Number 1,  God really did not have anything to do with it.  and number 2, Between the 2 of us, Peggy had got what she wanted. She had been the winner. Everyone had always been mean to her, including me, and had said unkind things about-but this time, she had won. When I look back on it now, it makes me happy to see someone who was on the bottom come out on top. That doesn't seem to happen that often enough. 

Me? What did I get? I got what I desperately needed: a reality check, a little perspective. I needed to know that relationships with women were not going to be something I could manage and that it wasn't all about me. So for that, Thanks Peggy. I hope you got everything you wanted in your life. 

I'm @walmart & heard them page "Nigel come to the front." I wanted to find Nigel and tell him not to go. They are just making plans for you-its a trap!

Frank's Bad Day - Part XV

Frank woke up to a grey ceiling. He tried to sit up, but his body explained to him in a very succinct way that getting up was not an option at this time. He let out a sound somewhere between a groan and a whimper and closed his eyes tight waiting for the pain to subside.

Leslie's voice came from somewhere in the room,"I told you that would happen...but you didn't listen, did you?". There was a good-natured tone of teasing in her voice. "I also remember telling you to look straight ahead, not make eye contact. A sensible person would have determined that those instructions meant it was a bad idea to start a theological discussion with a demon. Do you remember any of that conversation Frank?"

Frank opened his eyes and turned his head slowly so he could see Leslie sitting next to his bed.

"Yes ma'am...I really screwed up and put everyone on the bus in danger. I'm really sorry."

"Glad to hear you may have learned something from your little adventure", she smiled a little and tilted her head slightly in a charming way.
"Was Charon angry?"

Leslie straightened up and took on a look of seriousness.

"Oh, he was furious! I have never seen him so angry before! Oh, and the language he used! I think he may have added six months to his time in purgatory just based on that tirade alone."

"You're putting me on."

Leslie's face grew very serious, "Nope. What made him the most livid was the fact that you  got to be the one to take Tarriq out. Though he did enjoy throwing Taariq from the bus, but you could see his disappointment. Such a sad moment. I think I saw his lip quiver and a single tear roll down his crestfallen face...so tragic".

Leslie bowed her head a little, and was silent so that Frank began to actually think she was serious, but then she began to shake a little. Finally, she could stand it no longer and began to giggle which soon turned into a full laugh.

"I'm sorry Frank. I couldn't help myself. Charon was a little annoyed at first, but the more he thought about you punching Tarriq in the throat, the happier he was. When they threw him off the bus, a cheer went up from almost everyone. It was a happy bus until we reached the distribution center. Then another demon picked up the lost souls and took them to their ultimate destination and we started our regular workweek."

"So where am I?"
"You're at SMI. You'll start orientation soon, in fact you may meet Mr. M today. He'll determine where to place you in the company, and explain how things work. You're gonna be in bed for a couple more days at least. I'll be by to check on you a few more times."

"Thanks Leslie. You're a good friend...I wish I had met someone like you on earth. Things might have been different."

Leslie smiled demurely and bent down and kissed Frank on the forehead.

"Now don't lay around here getting all sad and moody. You've got a new start to get things right. Bravery extends to more than just punching demons you know, sometimes its being man or woman enough to stop worrying. Just rest now and don't try to figure it out all at once."

Frank smiled and closed his eyes and layed back on his pillow. "Yes, Ma'am. I'll try to remember that."

"See that you do. I've had enough of you disregarding my instructions for one day", Leslie pulled up the blankets and tucked things in here and there and made the sort of fuss that makes all of us feel taken care of when we aren't feeling well.

Frank soon found that he was asleep in no time at all.

Frank's Bad Day Part XIV

“Well, hello there little fella! I haven’t seen you before! You aren’t wearing an SMI badge. You must be a new arrival. Welcome to the underworld!”

Taariq’s eyes seemed to dilate and Frank wasn’t sure, but he thought that Taariq’s canine teeth seemed to lengthen and sharpen. Frank was positive that the enthusiasm Taariq was showing was more like a hunger than any type of friendliness. He turned to look straight ahead again, but kept one eye on close to Taariq.

“Leave him alone Taariq! He’s not your concern!”, Charon spoke up from the front of the bus.
“Take it easy, Charon. He asked me a perfectly polite question, so I am honor bound to answer him.” Taariq’s face twisted into a slimy smile.

“You see, religious people are great for several reasons. First of all, they are in utter disbelief that they have ended up in Hell. They have filled their lives with superficial good works and religious actions without ever seeking the sort of faith and true relationship with…Him…that leads to escaping this place. Those good works allowed them to heap up sin after sin of pride, gossip, selfishness and all sorts of delicious tidbits but still live in a lovely denial made possible by self-justification. The doctrine of good works saving you from Hell is one of our father’s most successful lies ever. It makes me so proud sometimes….oh, sorry, I get distracted so easily. So anyways, when these religious people arrive here, they are, (to use a colorful phrase), “a hot mess”. They are in denial, they are confused, they are angry, they are sad, they are an overflowing fountain of emotions and sins that are an incredible smorgasbord of vile tastes and sensations. It’s a beautiful thing” ,he leaned back and looked into the distance wistfully.

“Now the SMI people, they have that stench of real faith about them. Yes, sometimes they have a whiff of sadness or depression because they been here for a long time, but not enough to make them interesting. They spend their days helping pathetic creatures on earth, but instead of feeling self-satisfied and smug, so many of them keep thinking of others first, disregarding their own egos. Real faith is a pretty bad stench, but when you combine it with self-sacrificial love…it’s utterly disgusting”, he shuddered a little, and then he began to sniff the air again. His nostrils flared widely and he began moving his head around to get the full amount of smells.

“Well now...that IS interesting…”, he continued sniffing. “Our little friend has the stench of faith on him, but it’s pretty weak, but there is so much more going on there… “

Taariq stood up and bent down so he was at eye level with Frank and Leslie, only centimeters away from the golden beam separating them. He kept sniffing, and licked his lips.

“Fear, lots of fear. Do I frighten you little man?”, his voice lowered and he cocked his head to one side and grinned. “Oh, but fear is just the beginning with you, isn't it? Selfishness, lust, laziness, gluttony, caring for no one but yourself, looking out for no one else but yourself. You’ve got a catalog of lovely sinful vices tainted by such a little faith” , his eyes bulged and he opened his mouth a little wider, showing his white sharp teeth.  Leslie began to stare intently at Taariq. She swiveled in her seat, putting her body between Taariq and Frank. Taariq grinned even wider.

“Taariq! You take your seat now and leave my passengers alone! I’m not warning you again!” Charon yelled from the front of the bus. Frank could feel the bus slowing down.

Taariq acted like he had not heard Charon at all and leaned in a little closer to the beam.
“You’re hangin’ by a thread little man…you’d better be careful and do what the pretty lady tells you, or you could end up under my tender care.”

“Get back to your seat Taariq. You know you have no right to him”, Leslie said in a matter-of-fact, low controlled tone. The bus slowed down to a crawl.

Taariq began to shake, almost imperceptively, first a tremor and then it finally led to a slight  seizure. His eyes changed from dark pupils to a bright orange. His voice changed; it became deepe and more gravelly, but had this unearthly quality like it had been put through a reverb filter on an audio mixer.
"Shut up Leslie!", Taariq growled. "He is a feast of emotions and sins I can't pass up. The fever is on me, I can't stop now..."

He closed his eyes and opened his mouth wide and roared. It reminded Frank of the imp he had fought earlier, but this time it was lower in frequency and even louder in volume. Frank had never been so scared in his life. The sound of the roar caused a visceral feeling of uncomfort down to his bones. Frank held his hands over his ears, wanting to close his eyes tight, but not wanting to lose sight of the monster that wanted to attack him.

Time slowed down. The roar was actually causing the yellow beam to vibrate and ripple. A hole began to open in the middle of the beam. Leslie had braced herself between Frank and the demon, but she began to shake slightly. Taariq started to put his hands through the beam and the part of this hands that came through the beam had changed to hairy black claws. Leslie glanced at Frank with widened eyes trying to prepare for what could happen next. 

In a split second things changed. Frank was still scared, but another part of him was angry; angry that he was about to be attacked by another demon, angry that it would hurt Leslie, and tired of feeling powerless and confused. It has been said that bravery is that point at which people are as  scared and tired as a coward, but have decided to rise above their emotions and do what needs to be done regardless of what could happen to them. Sometimes bravery is the kamikaze action of a person with nothing to lose. Frank was at this point. In that moment he knew what he had to do to protect Leslie and possibly stop Taariq.

Raising his right hand, he reared back and threw a punch through the middle of the beam where it had opened after Taariq started roaring. Because Tarriq had closed his eyes, he did not see the punch coming until it squarely landed on his throat, cutting the air flow and almost crushing his windpipe. Taariq crumpled to the ground, gasping for breath.

The moment that Frank hit Taariq, the roaring stopped and the beam returned to normal with Frank’s arm in the very middle of the beam. Frank felt a searing pain and began screaming but couldn’t seem to move. Finally, Leslie pulled him out of the beam and he slumped to the floor of the bus still whimpering in pain. Things became dim after that as he went in and out of consciousness. The pain was still coming in waves, but lessening a little. He thought he saw the beam go off and Charon and several other people from SMI bind Taariq’s hands with something that glowed with the same yellow light as the beam. Frank heard the door whoosh open and something hit the ground outside as they drove away. The beam came on again and the bus was quiet.

“Try to rest Frank, we’ll be at the reception area soon” Leslie put her arm around him and patted his head in a motherly way. Everything finally went black and Frank slept for a very long time.

Frank's Bad Day Part XIII

Taariq thought about his day so far and was happy. Except for the unsavory exchange with Charon, it had been a good day. Each of the six souls he had hunted down today had been great fun. It had been a buffet of emotions: Despair, anger, sadness and terror. Oh, how he loved fear and terror. The other emotions were good, but fear and terror were like red, bloody meat to him.

Tarriq turned his attention to the middle aged woman in the red sweater that he was sitting next to and drew near to sniff her neck like you would smell someone`s perfume.

"Ahh, this is what makes my job great: sadness, fear, misery and despair...you humans have no idea How your emotions smell and taste to us. It’s a wretchedly beautiful thing."

The woman cringed and whimpered, covering her face hoping he would go away. Taariq was starting to find her tedious at this point and turned back towards the rest of the bus and continued his soliloquy to everyone and to no one in particular.

“I actually really like my job. There is a nice bit of variety in the suffering of the human soul, like a good wine or a fine piece of meat. What surprises people the most about what I do is that my favorite lost souls are the religious ones.”

“Why is that?”, Franked asked without thinking. The moment the words escaped his mouth and he saw Leslie’s eyes bulge open, he knew he was in trouble…big trouble.

Frank's Bad Day Part XII

They had been driving for about 30 minutes since they had picked up Taariq and the Lost Souls.  He had taken a seat near the middle of the bus sitting next to the haggard looking middle aged woman in a ragged jean skirt and dirty red sweater. Frank had kept his eyes out the window or straight ahead as he had been told, but he had been studying Taariq from his peripheral vision. He was truly scared of him, yet at the same time he was fascinated with how childish he was. Taariq was like so many people Frank had known in the business world, on the playground at Elementary School, in countless classrooms in High School and College, and even at church. He remembered the nuns at his Catholic High School. There was one in particular, Sister Maria Teresa, who seemed to enjoy making students cry by belittling them with harsh words at any opportunity. She always explained to people how much she loved the students and that she was there to, “prepare young people for a cruel world outside these walls”, but everyone saw through that; she was just mean for the sake of being mean. 

When Frank had imagined supernatural creatures existing outside of the superficial atmosphere of earth, he always thought they wouldn’t have the sort of silly insecurities and obvious self-deceptive tendencies that are so common on earth. Frank had always believed that outside of earth everyone could finally see truth for what it was; that for once things would be truly black and white, but he could see this was not the case with Taariq.

To people like Taariq, the response of others to his actions was like the reflection of light on a mirror, defining who he was, minute by minute, second by second. Without that mirror Taariq did not know who he was. That’s why he made such a big deal with Charon; that’s why he loved to jerk the ropes, bite, shove and punch his captive souls. Frank wondered if maybe he was actually afraid he would disappear without continual redefinition of who he was by the people he tormented.

Frank decided he would ask Leslie or Charon about this later, but he suspected the answer had something to do with the source of evil and the Father of Lies.

"Great...more theology lessons", Frank thought with a slight grin. 

Frank's Bad Day Part XI

The Lost Souls boarded the bus one by one, inserting their tokens into the farebox. Each token went down through the works of the box ending with a hollow, sad clunk. The lights ended on the red "INF" light for each person, which Frank finally understood that it stood for The Inferno, the lake of fire...Hell.

They were bound together with dirty black ropes. They were still in the clothes they died in, but their clothes were dirty and ripped.Their faces, hands and legs were dirty and had scratches and cuts. Many of them had a look of terror, some were confused, as if this was a nightmare, and some had a look of sad resignation, as if they had expected this all along. Taariq pulled them along by the rope to the back of the bus and seated them roughly, like he was packing a cattle carrier; pushing, shoving and punching those who weren't moving fast enough.

One lady kept repeating the 23^rd Psalm over and over with her eyes closed like she would wake up any minute. Taariq started laughing and screaming in her ear, “It’s too late you stupid woman! You should have done that on earth! You should have sought Him when you had time, now its too late!”. He squealed in delight. “Now shut up and sit down! You ain’t getting’ out of this!”. He cuffed the side of her head as she fell into her seat whimpering.

"That's enough Taariq! That's not necesary! Take your seat NOW!!", Charon roared from the driver's seat. He had no public address system on the bus, but the volume shook everyone.

"You said you were running late, I'm just trying to help," Tarriq said with a toothy grin and sat down next to the whimpering woman.

 
Charon turned away and said something that was indistinguishable. He released the air brakes and put the bus in gear and drove away into the straight long road of the grey town.